Simmyball: Ethan Simmons' NBA Musings

Today I will provide some apt comparisons. Namely, comparing members of the 76ers starting lineup to their animal counterparts. Each of these players is strange to watch in some fashion, and their strangeness struck me as fauna-esque when I was watching a '6ers game in late hours of the night. Video evidence is included, courtesy of Dawkins, DownToBuck, Evin Gualberto, and a few other prolific NBA YouTubers. Feast your eyes, and never unsee this.  Ben Simmons is a tiger . Extremely fast and startlingly huge. Tigers are like 9ft long, which just doesn’t make any sense, but neither does anything about Simmons’ game. "Hi I'm 6'10! But I don't like to post up. But I handle the ball and make sick passes! I like driving more than anything in the world, but I also have no jumper. Is that alright?" From what his rookie campaign has told us, yes Ben, that's all well and good. Why would a tiger need a jumper when they have banana-sized fangs anyway?  Sinkin...

After a nauseating 3-20 start, the egalitarian Bulls have 10 wins in the last 13 games, including a streak of 7 wins before the Cavaliers topped them near Christmas. Their 17-18 roster is an amalgamation of streaky role players and unproven young guys, many being stunningly mediocre in their designated positional requirements. However, Hoiberg’s swirling offense has let a few players shine among this crop. The X-Factor, as many have observed, is Montenegrin stretch 4 Nikola Mirotic, flashing an unprecedented amount of dynamism in his 2017-18 play. Mirotic is in near-constant motion, rolling down the floor to set up the offense, shifting and spotting up, then moving to his much-improved post play. Niko plays a delightfully simple game, juicing the Bulls offense off the bench as an all-around scoring big. Many backup big men aren’t prepared for such complete offensive players, and Mirotic lights it up at nearly every scoring level, shooting 50% from the field and a red-hot (if unsus...