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The Stupidest Things That Could Happen on Draft Night

The draft is usually awesome. A night of franchise-building wonder! Plenty of player speculation, massive trades, and names you’ve never heard before and will never hear again (if you stay for the second round). You’ll witness steals and gaffes of epic proportions, sometimes in real-time! Like when the Cavs took Anthony Bennett 10 or 15 slots higher than he was projected. He missed his first 16 career field goals. Or when the Kings selected unknown big man from Greece at 13 just because of his last name was Papagiannis. It’s Papa Johns but Greek! WOW! Or when the Wolves selected not one, but TWO point guards that weren’t Stephen Curry in the 2009 Draft while he was still on the board. Curry won back-to-back MVP’s and the first unanimous one, while Jonny Flynn is out of the league and Ricky Rubio still can’t make layups. Okay! It’s hard to remember anything but the gaffes. No one truly realizes the steals until the season is underway. Like in 2015, everyone gushed over the Heat gett...
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Season Revue #1: The Dastardly Dunkers of the 2017 Class

I spent most of the 2017-2018 season drooling over the rookie class. These dudes are STUDS! After a decidedly mediocre '15 and '16 draft haul, NBA fans and draftniks were spoiled by the talent present in 2017’s prodigious class. Jayson Tatum--who was 19 for most of the year--filled in for injured Gordon Hayward in spectacular fashion, scoring 14 a night while scorching from three at a 43% clip. Likewise, 13th pick Donovan Mitchell filled in for the ghost of Gordon Hayward in Utah. He emptied his clip on the entire NBA, leading his class in points per game at 20.5 a contest. 27th pick Kyle Kuzma cemented himself as one of the better draft steals in recent memory, bringing his wacky jump hooks and wet shot to the next level far easier than anyone expected. I could go on, but basically these dudes make the last 10 classes look like a festering pile of garbage . These munchkins are probably gonna fill like 85% of the All-Star games from 2020-2025. I’m sorry, but no class in wh...
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Potential Takeaways from Celtics vs. The Cavaliers Redux!

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In general, you shouldn't make any brash assumptions from regular season matchups, especially  not pertaining to LeBron-led teams. You never know when the King and his Knights of the Drive-and-Dish are gonna hit the nitro (or a roadblock) in the postseason. However, this is no ordinary pre-All Star Break scrimmage. The Cavs front office went absolutely wild just hours before the deadline, and managed to acquire four pivotal core players for six of their own. Namely, they got slippery scoring guards Jordan Clarkson and Rodney Hood, heralded bouncy role player Larry Nance Jr., and dependable 3-and-D combo guard George Hill for combinations of Iman Shumpert, Jae Crowder, Isaiah Thomas, Channing Frye, and Derrick Rose. Despite locking up their cap situation with Clarkson and Hill's deals, along with Hood's future deal, the Cavs seemed to do the impossible; turn a menagerie of aging players with little motivation and chemistry into a feasible future, all while keeping their priz...
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Animal Incarnations of the 76ers Starting Lineup

Today I will provide some apt comparisons. Namely, comparing members of the 76ers starting lineup to their animal counterparts. Each of these players is strange to watch in some fashion, and their strangeness struck me as fauna-esque when I was watching a '6ers game in late hours of the night. Video evidence is included, courtesy of Dawkins, DownToBuck, Evin Gualberto, and a few other prolific NBA YouTubers. Feast your eyes, and never unsee this.  Ben Simmons is a tiger . Extremely fast and startlingly huge. Tigers are like 9ft long, which just doesn’t make any sense, but neither does anything about Simmons’ game. "Hi I'm 6'10! But I don't like to post up. But I handle the ball and make sick passes! I like driving more than anything in the world, but I also have no jumper. Is that alright?" From what his rookie campaign has told us, yes Ben, that's all well and good. Why would a tiger need a jumper when they have banana-sized fangs anyway?  Sinkin...
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Mark to Markkanen Accounting with the Chicago Bulls

After a nauseating 3-20 start, the egalitarian Bulls have 10 wins in the last 13 games, including a streak of 7 wins before the Cavaliers topped them near Christmas. Their 17-18 roster is an amalgamation of streaky role players and unproven young guys, many being stunningly mediocre in their designated positional requirements. However, Hoiberg’s swirling offense has let a few players shine among this crop. The X-Factor, as many have observed, is Montenegrin stretch 4 Nikola Mirotic, flashing an unprecedented amount of dynamism in his 2017-18 play. Mirotic is in near-constant motion, rolling down the floor to set up the offense, shifting and spotting up, then moving to his much-improved post play. Niko plays a delightfully simple game, juicing the Bulls offense off the bench as an all-around scoring big. Many backup big men aren’t prepared for such complete offensive players, and Mirotic lights it up at nearly every scoring level, shooting 50% from the field and a red-hot (if unsus...
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